Lost
by Talisa
Summary: Takes place after Leo's Memorial-sorry for crappy formatting..blame FF.net


Lost All My Children  
  
Bianca slowly climbed the stairs of the boathouse only looking for a little peace and quiet to search through everything that was running through her head. He was really gone now. It felt like just a dream, a bad dream she just couldn't wake up from no matter hard she tried. She had already ditched her mother after the service; she couldn't deal with any inquires on why Maggie just had to attend the service with them after what she had said about Maggie in the cemetery. Bianca even went as far as to subconsciously 'ditch' Maggie too. Right now she didn't not want to be the person people kept leaning on, she wanted to lean on herself. She brought her eyes up from where they were focused on her shoes to see Greenlee sitting on the bench, crying all by herself. Without saying a word she went over and sat down next to her, and when Greenlee still didn't say anything she reached over and took her hand. As soon as she touched it, she expected a rude comment to come out of Greenlee's lips and she was fully ready. Greenlee could take out anything on her right now if it helped her take at least some of the pain away, Bianca didn't care. "Thank-you Bianca." Greenlee unsuccessfully tried to wipe her eyes and then smiled at Bianca. 'Thank you' was the last thing Bianca expected Greenlee to say, but she didn't mention it. If Greenlee didn't feel up to calling her some derogatory terms right now she wasn't about to stop her. "I assume you mean for the chapel, and it was no problem. Anything to help out." She managed a knowing smile and looked back out at the lake, unable to see the pain that was evident in her eyes. "The chapel, your song, being there. I know you went through this with Frankie so it helps to relate to someone who has felt the same way I am feeling." She squeezed Bianca's hand a little bit. And tried to meet her gaze. "I'm happy to help in anyway you want Greenlee. Do you want to talk?" She could feel Greenlee's stare burning a hole in the back of her head and she turned towards her. "Actually I'd rather not. I've been talking too much. I think I just need some time to get used to everything. But thank you. You're actually the first person I've talked to all day that's gone more than forty words without asking if I was okay. I swear the next person who asks me that I am going to punch. Of course I'm not okay. He's gone and I am never going to see him again." Bianca could see Greenlee was about to cry again so quickly she pulled her into a hug. "I loved him too, Greenlee." She whispered in Greenlee's ear. Greenlee's slow hiccupping sobs moved her closer to Bianca till she was practically in her lap. Bianca closed her eyes and held her as tight as she could. Bianca only opened her eyes when she heard the faint sound of creaking coming from the boathouse steps. She looked up to see Maggie stopping in her tracks, deliberating how she could back away without disturbing the grieving pair. Bianca quickly grabbed her attention by softly snapping her fingers and communicating to come back in a minute. Maggie nodded once and stepped out just as quickly. Greenlee felt the change in Bianca's body posture as she slowly pulled away from their hug, but all Bianca was doing was smiling. "There's something comforting about your embrace." Greenlee babbled as she leaned into Bianca, this time only resting her head on her shoulder. "Greenlee..." Maggie addressed as she entered the boathouse, though Greenlee simply smiled. Bianca gestured for her to sit down on a nearby make-shift stool near the bench they were sitting on. Maggie was about to open her mouth to say something comforting to Greenlee when the creaky old boathouse stairs signaled the arrival of another guest. Maggie, Bianca, and Greenlee all looked up to see Anna making her way up the small set of stairs. "Guess this is a popular spot." Greenlee mused. "I'll go if you want." Anna offered already starting to turn in her tracks. "No, no. I think it's fitting, actually. All the women Leo loved in his favorite spot." Greenlee, her head still rested on Bianca's shoulder, reached out an arm ushering her to sit and join them. "Okay." Anna sat down on one of the taller pillars that rose up from the water. Greenlee just looked around and smiled to herself. "This is nice." She said softly. "Yes it is." Maggie and Bianca agreed at the same time. Smiling at their jinx, Bianca and Maggie's eyes locked for a second and then cast off just as quickly. They'd been doing this a lot lately, not that they noticed, but Anna had seen it enough times to know what was between the two and what was not being said. "You know I think we all should go get a remembrance drink at SOS. What do you say?" Greenlee proposed sitting up from Bianca's shoulder. "I think that's a good idea. I'll give Greenlee a ride and how 'bout we meet you two there?" Anna quickly questioned. "Uh, sure?" Maggie watched as Anna walked out of the boathouse with Greenlee in tow. She looked back over at Bianca and could almost sense she was on the brink of tears. "Are you okay?" Maggie got up from where she was sitting and sat down next to Bianca, wrapping a comforting arm around her. "I'm fine." Bianca quickly rose from her seated position, knowing if she talked anymore about Leo she knew she was going to loose her composure. "Well, this feels all too familiar." Maggie commented from her seat on the bench. "What's that supposed to mean?" Bianca whipped around at Maggie's accusation. "It means here we go again. I ask you to share your feelings and you close down. Same old song and dance and I'm tired of tango-ing Bianca." Maggie rose from her seat, her eyes fixed out at the sun setting over the lake. "And what's that mean?" Bianca lessened her tone and leaned back against the far railing. "When the subject of us or feelings comes up-the shut down happens. I'm not saying that I don't do it to, I do and I realize what I'm doing, but it makes me feel numb and I don't want to feel numb when it comes to you, Bianca. I need to talk to you, you're my best friend and I don't know what I would do without you. Your silence is violence; it hurts me when you don't talk to me. I don't know what to do cause I'm fighting but losing to your silence, Binks. I know you don't notice that I don't like to push, but it's the only way I can break through your silence. I want to be the person you tell all your secrets to, the person you come to when you need someone to lean on, I know I can't replace him but I want to be your Leo but I don't know how to be that when you shut down like this." Maggie took a breath a risked a glance at Bianca. "Wow, quite a speech." She remarked. "Please, be serious." "Fine, you want me to be honest?" Bianca asked as she crossed the boathouse to stand next to Maggie, looking out at the water. "That would be nice." She commented, neither of them looking away from the sunset. "I love you, and not the 'I love you like a friend and it would suck like hell if something would happen to you'-I'm in love with you. The kind of love where my heart skips a beat when I'm next to you, pinches like hell when I see you with someone else, and soars when we touch. Love that brings tears to my eyes when we fight or you leave or makes me weep when people talk about you, like my mother. My love makes me try and justify our friendship or whatever more times than I can count to stop her from running you out of town, like she's done so many other times. My love for you transcends the pathetic problems our families have with each other on a daily basis. I love you like I have loved no one else, not even Frankie. That's the truth Maggie and it would be great if you returned all those feelings, but I am not naïve. We don't live in a perfect world and it would be way too much to ask if you felt the same way so you can run away screaming now." Bianca laughed a depressing laugh as she tried to wipe the start of the tears rolling down her cheeks. She had done it; she had put it all out on the table for Maggie to examine. Everything she was feeling, had felt or was ever going to feel was there for Maggie to do with as she pleased. Bianca hated feeling this vulnerable. She learned her lesson enough times to learn that this was a dangerous position to put her heart in to and the few seconds in which she could feel Maggie contemplating an answer were excruciating. "I don't feel like running Bianca." Maggie looked down at her shoes in a subconscious nervous gesture, smiling. "Oh?" Bianca let the breath she didn't know she was holding, out. Maggie wasn't really defining herself so there was no end-zone dance quite yet. "Thank-you for telling me what you have really been feeling." Bianca decided this was cruel and unusual punishment. "Thank-you? Is that really all your going to say? I spill my guts to you and you say thank-you? I would have preferred the running away. Thank you..." Bianca shook her head in utter disbelief. "I say thank-you because what you said gives me cause to do this." Maggie pulled Bianca head down to hers and met her lips with her own. The kiss was slow and tentative at first but quickly gained speed and need. "Everything you feel, I feel the same way, Bianca. You just beat me to the punch." Maggie commented, as their lips broke apart. "Well if that wasn't a total cop out on the whole admission of feelings. Ditto?" Bianca laughed as she leaned her forehead against Maggie's. "You think we should meet up with Anna and Greenlee now?" 


End file.
